There are not many original handbell jokes, making it likely when one hears a joke, it will be posted to Handbell-L or BellTalk, even though it has appeared there twenty times before. Here are a few, briefly stated.
Quasimoto applies for a job as sexton at a church, although he has two broken arms from an accident. When told he would have to ring the tower bell, he said he could do it, climbed the tower, and ran headlong into the bell, producing a mellow sound (on the bell, that is). He was stunned, fell from the tower, and was pronounced dead on arrival.
The coroner asked the passtor if he could identify the deceased and responded, "No, but his face surely does ring a bell."
The next day, Quasimoto's twin brother applied for the same job, went through the same routine, with the same results, and in response to the Coroner's question, the pastor said, "No, but he is a dead ringer for his brother."
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The Chronicle of the Copped Clean Copper Clapper Caper from the Copper Clapper Clanger Choir Closet -- Adapted from The Johnny Carson Show by Daniel Reck
I've saw a version of this Johnny Carson skit done at the UCC Congo Clapper Caper a few years ago at a church in Western Springs, Illinois. This is my own version, but I thought that you all might enjoy it. If you can use it, be my guest. Please let me know, though. I'd be curious to see how it was recieved.
Director [prepares to start a song, counts off, and cues the ringer to begin]
Ringer [“rings” handbell, from which the clapper has been removed]
Director [stops, looks puzzled]
Ringer [laughs nervously, rotates the bell 180 degrees in his hand] Sorry, it was crooked.
Director [restarts song as above, cues ringer]
Ringer [“rings” bell, stops, looks very confused. Looks at the bell, then turns it to look inside. Surprised, yells] The clanger!!
Director The clanger?
Ringer The clanger, you know, the thing that makes the bell clang!
Director Oh, the clapper! The copper clapper!
Ringer Right, the copper clapper!
Director What about the copper clapper?
Ringer The copper clapper – it’s been copped!
Bell Choir [gasps with surprise and astonishment]
Director So we have a copper clapper caper concerning our choir of copper clapper clangers!
Ringer Correctly conclusive, yes.
Director Where could it be, the copped copper clapper?
Ringer Could it be in the closet, where it was kept?
Director In the corner of the copper clapper choir closet? It couldn’t be, I confirmed. Besides, Clarinda Crawford, the copper clapper choir closet custodian, could have caught him!
Ringer [asks the bell choir in general] Could anyone have any contemplations considering the capper who copped our
Bell Choir [shrugs, shakes heads, says no]
Director Well, there once was a ringer I kicked out of our copper clapper clanger choir because he couldn’t clang correctly.
Ringer Could he be the caper? What was his name?
Director Colin Cress.
Ringer You conclude?
Director That’s correct! I conclude Colin Cress copped our copper clapper kept in the copper clapper clanger closet.
Ringer That could be it. Where is this Colin Cress from?
Director Sure, Cleaveland. Hmmm. You know what the worst thing is? I just cleaned that copped copper clapper.
Ringer Just cleaned the copper clapper? That stinks. Why do you think that Colin Cress would cop our clean copper clappers we kept in the copper clapper clanger choir closet?
Director Only one reason: He’s a kleptomaniac!
Ringer Okay. Let me confirm this. Our clean copper clapper kept in the copper clapper clanger choir closet of custodian Clarinda Crawford were copped by Colin Cress, a kleptomaniac from Cleveland.
Director That’s correct. One more thing.
Director If I ever catch kleptomaniac Colin Cress from Cleveland who copped our clean copper clapper from the copper clapper clanger choir closet…
Bell Choir [pause, bell choir looks expectantly]
Director I’ll clobber him!
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Linda Lamb asks: What do you yell when needing to clear a path through a bunch of handbell ringers?
And later answers: Clangway!
Substitute "Tire Swings" for "Tower Swings."
Substitute "Table Dance" for "Table Damp."
What is a "Walmart?" -- A too-close-to-the-wall tower swing.
If you have questions you feel should be included in this FAQ, contact . It will be helpful if you will state the question similar to those above, and if possible, give a short, definitive statement to answer the question. The editor will review your question and answer, consider whether to include the question, and amend as deemed necessary.
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